Again, I find myself long over due in posting about our adoption progress. Things continue to steadily move along. We received our Log In Date LID on August 5th, and now we are **hopefully** nearing the end of our wait for our LOA (letter of Acceptance) from China. It could arrive any day--OR it could be another month or two. So I have been trying to keep busy and not think about it too much. Travel is usually about 3 months after receiving LOA.
We have been working on the boy's bedroom, so it will be ready when we bring Jimmie home. We already have a bunk bed and Freddie has been sleeping on the top bunk for a while now. This afternoon Tim and Freddie are going to be putting together a new dresser for the boy's room, and we have been working on organizing toys and books. It feels good to be getting this space ready for welcoming Jimmie. It makes it seem more real.
Fall is here, and it has been good to settle into a routine with both our kiddos in school. Freddie is loving 2nd grade, and Valerie is doing well in her pre-school class that meets 3 mornings a week. I have been looking forward to get back to crafting and sewing a bit more this fall and I hope to get some fun items put in my Etsy shop soon. We are SO thankful that God has faithfully provided for the adoption costs, and I am hoping to sew and craft enough to cover the last little bits of remaining expenses.
Blessing to you!
Saturday, September 28, 2013
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Pressing On
We recently received this new photo of our Little Man. Is he not just precious?
The adoption process is continuing to move along at a nice steady pace. This Saturday we received our Immigration approval, which was the piece we had been waiting on to complete our dossier. Now our dossier has to be sealed and authenticated by the proper authorities, and then it will be submitted to China and we will receive our Log In Date (LID). We are still approximately 6 months or so from traveling to China, so I am settling in for a good long wait. Of course I am eager to get my new little one in my arms and start loving on him, but we are thankful for the time to pray and prepare our home and our hearts. I am still feeling so much sadness and longing for my babies in R*ssia, and I know that my heart is still aching and grieving, even in the joy of knowing that we are bring home another son. How thankful I am to know that I can trust my Heavenly Father with my heart, and also with my children--all my children, who are scattered around the world.
We are enjoying summertime and a break from school and schedules. Tomorrow will probably bring another day of digging in the sandbox and splashing in the little plastic pool for Freddie and Valerie, while I will be getting my hands dirty in my garden. Dirt is good therapy. And happy dirty children are good for the soul as well!
Please pray for us as we press on in our adoption journey, that we would persevere and run this race well, that in our growing, we would be growing closer to God, that we would be growing more and more into the people that He has created us to be. That our love for Him would increase and our faith in Him would abound. I will be praying for all you dear friends as well.
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." (Hebrews 12:1-3)
The adoption process is continuing to move along at a nice steady pace. This Saturday we received our Immigration approval, which was the piece we had been waiting on to complete our dossier. Now our dossier has to be sealed and authenticated by the proper authorities, and then it will be submitted to China and we will receive our Log In Date (LID). We are still approximately 6 months or so from traveling to China, so I am settling in for a good long wait. Of course I am eager to get my new little one in my arms and start loving on him, but we are thankful for the time to pray and prepare our home and our hearts. I am still feeling so much sadness and longing for my babies in R*ssia, and I know that my heart is still aching and grieving, even in the joy of knowing that we are bring home another son. How thankful I am to know that I can trust my Heavenly Father with my heart, and also with my children--all my children, who are scattered around the world.
We are enjoying summertime and a break from school and schedules. Tomorrow will probably bring another day of digging in the sandbox and splashing in the little plastic pool for Freddie and Valerie, while I will be getting my hands dirty in my garden. Dirt is good therapy. And happy dirty children are good for the soul as well!
Please pray for us as we press on in our adoption journey, that we would persevere and run this race well, that in our growing, we would be growing closer to God, that we would be growing more and more into the people that He has created us to be. That our love for Him would increase and our faith in Him would abound. I will be praying for all you dear friends as well.
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." (Hebrews 12:1-3)
Monday, May 6, 2013
Homestudy Ready!
We have an approved Homestudy!!!!! Unfortunately with changing countries, we had to start pretty much from scratch, with two new adoption agencies. That's the bad news. The awesome good news, is that everything has been moving along so quickly and smoothly. We are so thankful and grateful for that! The adoption agencies that we are currently working with have been amazing.
The next step in this process for us is getting approval from Immigration, which includes FBI fingerprinting. No big deal. We have done this twice already. We are now waiting to be assigned our appointment day and time for our biometrics to be done. Once we have our Immigration approval(I-800A), we will be able to complete our Dossier (with all the proper seals and all) and send it over to China. We are praying that our I-800A would be approved quickly so that this forward-moving momentum will continue.
While we have been busy with the paperwork side of things, we have also been talking about possible names for our Little Boy in China. We are **I think** pretty close to making a decision on a name. :) But in the mean-time, does anyone want to offer any suggestions??? :)
As always, we are so thankful and humbled that you would take an interest in our family and would remember us and all our children (around the globe) in your prayers as we press on where God leads us.
The next step in this process for us is getting approval from Immigration, which includes FBI fingerprinting. No big deal. We have done this twice already. We are now waiting to be assigned our appointment day and time for our biometrics to be done. Once we have our Immigration approval(I-800A), we will be able to complete our Dossier (with all the proper seals and all) and send it over to China. We are praying that our I-800A would be approved quickly so that this forward-moving momentum will continue.
While we have been busy with the paperwork side of things, we have also been talking about possible names for our Little Boy in China. We are **I think** pretty close to making a decision on a name. :) But in the mean-time, does anyone want to offer any suggestions??? :)
As always, we are so thankful and humbled that you would take an interest in our family and would remember us and all our children (around the globe) in your prayers as we press on where God leads us.
Friday, April 12, 2013
Another Twist in the Journey
The last day I wrote a post was on December 27th, 2012. The very next day the president of R*ssia signed into law a ban on all adoptions by Americans. Waking up to that news was devastating. I felt like all the air had been knocked out of me and it was a struggle to even breathe. All of January I floated between hope that things would quickly be resolved and that we would be able to travel for court and bring home our sweet babies who we love, and utter grief that we were losing these children that we long to have in our family--and who desperately need to be in a family. I was glued to the computer, reading every news story obsessively. I was a wreak.
Tim and I began talking and praying about what we should do. Should we wait on R*ssia? It could be resolved in a matter of months. It could take years. We don't know what is ultimately going to happen with adoptions between our two counties. We prayed more and cried a lot. (Well, I cried a lot, anyway!) We spent time searching our hearts and seeking God and grieving, and hoping, and waiting. By early February we began looking into other counties and other programs, but did not feel any peace in committing to any other program yet. But seeds were being planted in our hearts to be open to another child in another country. Tim and I feel strongly called to adopt and we know that there are so many little ones waiting--just waiting--for a family to call their own.
Our God is a God of redemption. Nothing is wasted with Him--not a loss, not a tear, a deep disappointment--not anything. He can bring beauty and purpose from even the most devastating experiences. I know this. I have walked with Him long enough to have lived this. More than once. The pain is real and deep--my heart feels like it has bleed out. This kind of pain and grief is exhausting. But I know the One who holds my heart. He binds up our wounds and heals the broken-hearted. He bears the burdens of those who are weary and heavy-laden. Wounded, broken-hearted, weary and heavy-laden--that sounds a lot like my heart. But thankfully I have given my heart fully over to Jesus and I trust Him with it. If, in His love and mercy, He sees fit to break my heart to bring Himself glory and to bring me closer to Him, then so be it. I am willing. I want my life to be poured out as a offering to my saviour. In my brokenness, may He be glorified.
I thought about starting over with a different blog. Or maybe erasing my previous posts. But I am not going to do that--I will leave it all as it is. After all--this is a journey and a journey is not just about where you are going, but it is also about where you have been. I am not going to say much more about where we have been, as it is all there in previous posts. However, I do want to share where we are going.
So, where are we going? Where is this journey going to take us? By the end of February, Tim and I were feeling that the time had come to make a decision. Especially since our homestudy was going to expire in late March and would need to be updated at that time regardless of what we decided to do. We were praying and seeking and waiting for God's leading. We were looking at some other countries and other waiting children. Then I saw a little face that made my heart skip a beat. I remembered that I had seen his face before, when he was first listed on Reece's Rainbow (a ministry that advocates for the adoption of waiting children with special needs). At that time, things were moving along with R*ssia and I had though, "What a precious child! He looks so much like our daughter, Valerie. I bet he will be matched with a family quickly." When I saw his face this time, my first thought was, "What! How can he still be waiting?!" And then I knew why--he is my son. When I first approached Tim about this child his reaction was, "No--I don't even want to look--I don't want to go to that country. There is no way we can afford to go to that country after all that we have already spent with R*ssia." I said, "I know, Honey. But please just look and then pray about it." Well, he looked, and less then 12 hours later he floored me with these words, "OK, I won't say 'no' to this child--If God wants us to go to China, if that is where our son is, then let's go!"
That was just a month ago. The last few of weeks have been a whirlwind of paperwork, agency changes and country changes. We have been absolutely blown away at the way God has been moving and orchestrating everything so smoothly and quickly. What a blessing to feel so much peace and joy in being right where God wants us, even though we are still grieving. On April 4th we received pre-approval from China to be matched with a this darling little boy. He is affectionately known as "Elvis" on Reece's Rainbow. We are still working on a name for him, and don't quite have it figured out just yet. You can see a picture of our precious little man by clicking on the FSP link on the right side of the blog. (The picture of Peter and Anya--it will take you to a link with little man's picture.)
Soon, I will share a little more about this beautiful child, this good and precious gift from God. Right now, I just needed to get this update out there and share where we are. I apologize for my lack of blogging, and I am hoping that I will do a better job keeping every one up to date with where we are at in this adoption. We are so very very thankful for the love and prayer of our family and our friends and those who have loved and advocated and fundraised for "Elvis"--what a enormous blessing to our family that I hope to share more about soon.
One final thought tonight. What about our Peter and Anya in R*ssia? Our hearts ache for them, yes. Right now, that door is shut and we have felt God's leading to go bring our son home from China. We continue to closely watch for any developing news and are already praying for God's leading and wisdom for our family if that door should become open again in the future. Please, please continue to pray for these sweet babies that they would have homes and loving families, be that with us or someone else. Please pray for our son in China, pray for our process to continue to go smoothly and quickly. And please pray for our hearts as they are still hurting and we are seeking to live out our faith in obedience to what God has called us.
Tim and I began talking and praying about what we should do. Should we wait on R*ssia? It could be resolved in a matter of months. It could take years. We don't know what is ultimately going to happen with adoptions between our two counties. We prayed more and cried a lot. (Well, I cried a lot, anyway!) We spent time searching our hearts and seeking God and grieving, and hoping, and waiting. By early February we began looking into other counties and other programs, but did not feel any peace in committing to any other program yet. But seeds were being planted in our hearts to be open to another child in another country. Tim and I feel strongly called to adopt and we know that there are so many little ones waiting--just waiting--for a family to call their own.
Our God is a God of redemption. Nothing is wasted with Him--not a loss, not a tear, a deep disappointment--not anything. He can bring beauty and purpose from even the most devastating experiences. I know this. I have walked with Him long enough to have lived this. More than once. The pain is real and deep--my heart feels like it has bleed out. This kind of pain and grief is exhausting. But I know the One who holds my heart. He binds up our wounds and heals the broken-hearted. He bears the burdens of those who are weary and heavy-laden. Wounded, broken-hearted, weary and heavy-laden--that sounds a lot like my heart. But thankfully I have given my heart fully over to Jesus and I trust Him with it. If, in His love and mercy, He sees fit to break my heart to bring Himself glory and to bring me closer to Him, then so be it. I am willing. I want my life to be poured out as a offering to my saviour. In my brokenness, may He be glorified.
I thought about starting over with a different blog. Or maybe erasing my previous posts. But I am not going to do that--I will leave it all as it is. After all--this is a journey and a journey is not just about where you are going, but it is also about where you have been. I am not going to say much more about where we have been, as it is all there in previous posts. However, I do want to share where we are going.
So, where are we going? Where is this journey going to take us? By the end of February, Tim and I were feeling that the time had come to make a decision. Especially since our homestudy was going to expire in late March and would need to be updated at that time regardless of what we decided to do. We were praying and seeking and waiting for God's leading. We were looking at some other countries and other waiting children. Then I saw a little face that made my heart skip a beat. I remembered that I had seen his face before, when he was first listed on Reece's Rainbow (a ministry that advocates for the adoption of waiting children with special needs). At that time, things were moving along with R*ssia and I had though, "What a precious child! He looks so much like our daughter, Valerie. I bet he will be matched with a family quickly." When I saw his face this time, my first thought was, "What! How can he still be waiting?!" And then I knew why--he is my son. When I first approached Tim about this child his reaction was, "No--I don't even want to look--I don't want to go to that country. There is no way we can afford to go to that country after all that we have already spent with R*ssia." I said, "I know, Honey. But please just look and then pray about it." Well, he looked, and less then 12 hours later he floored me with these words, "OK, I won't say 'no' to this child--If God wants us to go to China, if that is where our son is, then let's go!"
That was just a month ago. The last few of weeks have been a whirlwind of paperwork, agency changes and country changes. We have been absolutely blown away at the way God has been moving and orchestrating everything so smoothly and quickly. What a blessing to feel so much peace and joy in being right where God wants us, even though we are still grieving. On April 4th we received pre-approval from China to be matched with a this darling little boy. He is affectionately known as "Elvis" on Reece's Rainbow. We are still working on a name for him, and don't quite have it figured out just yet. You can see a picture of our precious little man by clicking on the FSP link on the right side of the blog. (The picture of Peter and Anya--it will take you to a link with little man's picture.)
Soon, I will share a little more about this beautiful child, this good and precious gift from God. Right now, I just needed to get this update out there and share where we are. I apologize for my lack of blogging, and I am hoping that I will do a better job keeping every one up to date with where we are at in this adoption. We are so very very thankful for the love and prayer of our family and our friends and those who have loved and advocated and fundraised for "Elvis"--what a enormous blessing to our family that I hope to share more about soon.
One final thought tonight. What about our Peter and Anya in R*ssia? Our hearts ache for them, yes. Right now, that door is shut and we have felt God's leading to go bring our son home from China. We continue to closely watch for any developing news and are already praying for God's leading and wisdom for our family if that door should become open again in the future. Please, please continue to pray for these sweet babies that they would have homes and loving families, be that with us or someone else. Please pray for our son in China, pray for our process to continue to go smoothly and quickly. And please pray for our hearts as they are still hurting and we are seeking to live out our faith in obedience to what God has called us.
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Oh, My, what a terrible blogger I am. I knew it had been a long time since I last posted anything, but then I looked--almost 3 months! Yikes! Sadly, I don't have any amazing news to post or really much progress. But we are still here and we are still pressing on! Our court papers have arrived in our children's country and we are just waiting on the edge of our seats to receive our court date. We had been hoping for a January trip to have court, but with all the recent political "stuff" that has just exploded between our country and our children's birth country we don't really know what to expect. But we are choosing to trust in the one who holds our sweet children--and who holds our hearts in the midst of this turmoil. Please pray with us that the cry of the orphan will be heard and that hearts would be softened, and that the fatherless would find the love of a family.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Be a Part of the Puzzle!
We are now well into Fall here, in Northern Minnesota. The trees have dressed for the the occasion and are now beginning to shed their colors and get ready for a long winters sleep. A chill is in the air, and we may actually get our first flakes of snow later this week. The weather is changing, the seasons are changing. We feel a lot of change happening around us as well, as we move forward with our adoption of our two precious Babies.
These past two months have been difficult, to say the least. But we are still here, and we are still fighting to save these sweet little ones. I am so thankful that I am healing well from my surgery. It will have been five weeks ago tomorrow--how can time pass so quickly? I am feeling great and so thankful to be able to care for my family again. We are so thankful for sweet friends and family who stepped in to help with meals and with our children those first couple of weeks.
Valerie is loving her pre-school three mornings a week. Her highlight is riding the bus. She LOVES the bus. It is too cute. Freddie and I are deep into the adventure of 1st Grade homeschooling this year. Aside from the daily battle over handwriting exercises, it is going really well and we are both enjoying the activities, books and the time spent learning together.
Although Tim and I have traveled to meet our Babies, we still have a long road ahead of us to complete our adoption. Right now we are in the middle of gathering all the documents that we need to submit for court in EE, as well as finishing all the training requirements for our children's Birth Country. We are hoping to have this completed by the end of the month. Then we wait for a court date to be assigned. Honestly, I have no idea how long we will wait for a court date. We will pray and trust that God will provide the date in His perfect timing. Originally we were hoping to have our Babies home by Christmas. While this is still possible, it is looking less likely, as we see how slowly things have been moving in-country.
While we work on documents and wait for court and prepare for our Babies, we still have to work on raising funds for bringing our little ones home. For the last two months we have not seen our RR grant move or our chip-in grow. With travel and surgery I have not had time to do any fundraising at all. And then yesterday, a VERY generous gift from friends of ours to our chip-in. Thank you so very much! Your gift is such a blessing to us and such an encouragement--it not only helps provide much-needed funds for adoption expenses, but it lifts our spirits and helps us feel the support of our community, family and friends. Thank you for being such a blessing to our family!
I have watched several other families do a Puzzle Fundraiser, and I have loved the idea. I bought 2 puzzles a while ago and have been waiting for the right time to launch it. Well, this time seems as good as any to begin! This is how it works. Each puzzle piece is "sold" for $5. When you "purchase" a puzzle piece, we will write your name on the back. When we have sold all the pieces and put the puzzle together, one one side will be a beautiful picture, and on the other side will be even more beautiful--a mosaic of those who came along side us to be part of the puzzle of bringing our Babies home. We will frame the puzzles in a way that both sides will be visible, or perhaps we will photograph the Name Side and hang it next to the photo side of the completed puzzles.
The St. Basil's puzzle has 300 pieces, and the Noah's Ark puzzle has 500 pieces. That is 800 pieces! There are several ways that you can "buy" your puzzle piece. There is the chip-in at the top right of the blog; OR if you want to give a tax-deductible donation, you can do so through the Reece's Rainbow donation give button (with the photos of our babies), a little under the chip-in on the right side of the blog. OR you can just give the donation to me personally and tell me that you want to be part of the puzzle! Please, if you give on RR on chip-in, be sure to let me know, so that I can add your name!
Help us spread the word, and Please consider being Part of the Puzzle to bring our Babies Home!
These past two months have been difficult, to say the least. But we are still here, and we are still fighting to save these sweet little ones. I am so thankful that I am healing well from my surgery. It will have been five weeks ago tomorrow--how can time pass so quickly? I am feeling great and so thankful to be able to care for my family again. We are so thankful for sweet friends and family who stepped in to help with meals and with our children those first couple of weeks.
Valerie is loving her pre-school three mornings a week. Her highlight is riding the bus. She LOVES the bus. It is too cute. Freddie and I are deep into the adventure of 1st Grade homeschooling this year. Aside from the daily battle over handwriting exercises, it is going really well and we are both enjoying the activities, books and the time spent learning together.
Although Tim and I have traveled to meet our Babies, we still have a long road ahead of us to complete our adoption. Right now we are in the middle of gathering all the documents that we need to submit for court in EE, as well as finishing all the training requirements for our children's Birth Country. We are hoping to have this completed by the end of the month. Then we wait for a court date to be assigned. Honestly, I have no idea how long we will wait for a court date. We will pray and trust that God will provide the date in His perfect timing. Originally we were hoping to have our Babies home by Christmas. While this is still possible, it is looking less likely, as we see how slowly things have been moving in-country.
While we work on documents and wait for court and prepare for our Babies, we still have to work on raising funds for bringing our little ones home. For the last two months we have not seen our RR grant move or our chip-in grow. With travel and surgery I have not had time to do any fundraising at all. And then yesterday, a VERY generous gift from friends of ours to our chip-in. Thank you so very much! Your gift is such a blessing to us and such an encouragement--it not only helps provide much-needed funds for adoption expenses, but it lifts our spirits and helps us feel the support of our community, family and friends. Thank you for being such a blessing to our family!
I have watched several other families do a Puzzle Fundraiser, and I have loved the idea. I bought 2 puzzles a while ago and have been waiting for the right time to launch it. Well, this time seems as good as any to begin! This is how it works. Each puzzle piece is "sold" for $5. When you "purchase" a puzzle piece, we will write your name on the back. When we have sold all the pieces and put the puzzle together, one one side will be a beautiful picture, and on the other side will be even more beautiful--a mosaic of those who came along side us to be part of the puzzle of bringing our Babies home. We will frame the puzzles in a way that both sides will be visible, or perhaps we will photograph the Name Side and hang it next to the photo side of the completed puzzles.
The St. Basil's puzzle has 300 pieces, and the Noah's Ark puzzle has 500 pieces. That is 800 pieces! There are several ways that you can "buy" your puzzle piece. There is the chip-in at the top right of the blog; OR if you want to give a tax-deductible donation, you can do so through the Reece's Rainbow donation give button (with the photos of our babies), a little under the chip-in on the right side of the blog. OR you can just give the donation to me personally and tell me that you want to be part of the puzzle! Please, if you give on RR on chip-in, be sure to let me know, so that I can add your name!
Help us spread the word, and Please consider being Part of the Puzzle to bring our Babies Home!
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| First Puzzle to Complete: St. Basil's Cathedral 300 Pieces |
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| Second Puzzle to complete: Noah's Ark 500 Pieces |
Saturday, September 8, 2012
A Journey of Faith
This post is long overdue, I know. The last six or so weeks at our house has been nothing short of crazy. Between getting our travel dates just before our long-planned family trip to the East Coast to spend time with Tim's family, and drama with getting passports and visas squared away, to almost calling off the trip overseas and delaying it due to health concerns that ultimately resulted in me having major surgery last week....ya it's been a little crazy here.
It has been a very stretching time as we have felt overwhelmed and been tested to the limits of our emotions, our faith and of our physical abilities at times. But God has been with us all the way and continues to prove Himself faithful. And we press on in obedience to the one who calls us His own.
Sometimes when we are walking in obedience to Christ, the journey of our faith takes unexpected turns and we end up places where we never dreamed possible. Sometimes these turns bring unspeakable joy and beauty. Sometimes they bring anguish and pain. Sometimes the same twist in the journey brings both.
This is exactly where we find ourselves right now. As we have sought after God and followed His leading, He has been faithful and has brought is along to just where He wants us and has made His plan for our family clear to us. But so different from what we were expecting. This has been a time of grieving loss as well as counting blessings. And always clinging to our Savior as the One who orders our lives and has ordained all our days.
Let me share our first trip with you and the twists and turns of the Journey:
It was a really difficult trip and I am still reeling from the exhaustion—more emotional than physical. When we got to Russia and met with the MOE (Ministry of Education), Orphanage Director and the caregivers and nurses at the orphanage, they all urged us to not adopt Joshua. They told us that in the last few months he had developed some very troubling behaviors and they were very concerned that he would not be a good fit with our family. Last month he began taking an anti-psychotic medication. This was like a kick in the gut and we felt like everyone was “against” him.
Of course we got Joshua’s official referral and we had 5 visits with him. The first two visits were hard, as Joshua really did not want to be there. He was moving constantly, refused any physical contact, did not speak and lacked any show of emotion. He did enjoy the toys we brought. We figured that he was shy and scared and that he was feeling overwhelmed and overstimulated, we gave him space and grace and as much love and attention as he would accept. Visits 3 & 4 seemed to be going much better. Joshua would sit with us for a couple of seconds before moving on. He was allowing us to pick him up briefly to reach for toys on a shelf, and we taught him to “high-five” with us. He still was not showing much emotion, and we only saw a hint of a smile here and there. We figured that most of his “issues”were caused by lack of stimulation, boredom, lack of instruction in proper behavior.
Then visit 5 happened. At first things seemed to be OK as we were outside playing with his groupa, and then Joshua had a psychotic episode where he became very violent toward me. After spending hours with him and seeing no emotion, It was shocking to see his full out laughter as he tried to hurt me. Oksana (our adoption facilitator), who was with us and witnessed the whole thing, said I turned white. I could feel myself shaking. It was like he was a completely different child. The caregivers told us that this was reality for him. I felt our hopes and dreams for him shattering. He is very big for his age, and very strong. Our daughter is very small and more vulnerable with her having Ds.
It was a very quiet ride back to our hotel as we each went over what happened in our minds and knew we had to make a decision that evening as we had just one day left in the country. Devastated does not even begin to describe how I felt (and still feel). We wept and prayed, and we both knew that we would not be able to bring Joshua home, as it would be putting our other young children in serious danger. I am beyond sad. We were prepared to deal with Joshua’s medical issues, but the mental health needs are far more than we feel equipped to handle. We spoke with Oksana (our in country facilitator) and late that evening and told her our decision that we would not be able to accept Joshua’s referral. She was relieved to hear that and agreed to make arrangements for us to go to the MOE in the morning for a new referral.
It was hard to go back for another referral with our hearts breaking so much, but we knew that we still wanted to adopt, and that there are so many children with medical needs that desperately need families. This time, the choice of the referral was from the MOE, and the Director of the Orphanage gave approval of the child for adoption.
So, the Blessing in all this sadness is that we have accepted the referral for TWO little ones who are have the same medical needs as Joshua and who also desperately need to find a forever family. Baby Girl is 18 months old, and Baby Boy is 21 months old. We are still working on the names. Strangely enough, both babies look like my husband, Tim. I am still feeling incredible sadness and guilt—I will always love Joshua. But we know that we made the necessary decision for our family. And there are two sweet babies who will be orphans no more. Please keep us in our prayers as we grieve Joshua and rejoice in our Babies. And please joins us as we continue to pray for Joshua and for a family to step forward who will be equipped to meet all of his needs.
This journey has been tough, and we still have a long road ahead of us as we will be making two more trips to the country where our children are waiting. Our next step is to gather the papers that need to be submitted for court. And we continue to pray and let God heal our hearts, as he also heals my body from the surgery.
And we continue to put our trust in God's provision for the expenses that are still needed to complete this adoption. We will need about $20,000 more, in addition to what we have already raised and paid ourselves. The additional child fee is about $10,000, and each trip to the country will be about $5,000. If you feel led to help out with the financial aspect of our adoption, we would be so very thankful to have you fight with us for the lives of these precious orphans!
It has been a very stretching time as we have felt overwhelmed and been tested to the limits of our emotions, our faith and of our physical abilities at times. But God has been with us all the way and continues to prove Himself faithful. And we press on in obedience to the one who calls us His own.
Sometimes when we are walking in obedience to Christ, the journey of our faith takes unexpected turns and we end up places where we never dreamed possible. Sometimes these turns bring unspeakable joy and beauty. Sometimes they bring anguish and pain. Sometimes the same twist in the journey brings both.
This is exactly where we find ourselves right now. As we have sought after God and followed His leading, He has been faithful and has brought is along to just where He wants us and has made His plan for our family clear to us. But so different from what we were expecting. This has been a time of grieving loss as well as counting blessings. And always clinging to our Savior as the One who orders our lives and has ordained all our days.
Let me share our first trip with you and the twists and turns of the Journey:
It was a really difficult trip and I am still reeling from the exhaustion—more emotional than physical. When we got to Russia and met with the MOE (Ministry of Education), Orphanage Director and the caregivers and nurses at the orphanage, they all urged us to not adopt Joshua. They told us that in the last few months he had developed some very troubling behaviors and they were very concerned that he would not be a good fit with our family. Last month he began taking an anti-psychotic medication. This was like a kick in the gut and we felt like everyone was “against” him.
Of course we got Joshua’s official referral and we had 5 visits with him. The first two visits were hard, as Joshua really did not want to be there. He was moving constantly, refused any physical contact, did not speak and lacked any show of emotion. He did enjoy the toys we brought. We figured that he was shy and scared and that he was feeling overwhelmed and overstimulated, we gave him space and grace and as much love and attention as he would accept. Visits 3 & 4 seemed to be going much better. Joshua would sit with us for a couple of seconds before moving on. He was allowing us to pick him up briefly to reach for toys on a shelf, and we taught him to “high-five” with us. He still was not showing much emotion, and we only saw a hint of a smile here and there. We figured that most of his “issues”were caused by lack of stimulation, boredom, lack of instruction in proper behavior.
Then visit 5 happened. At first things seemed to be OK as we were outside playing with his groupa, and then Joshua had a psychotic episode where he became very violent toward me. After spending hours with him and seeing no emotion, It was shocking to see his full out laughter as he tried to hurt me. Oksana (our adoption facilitator), who was with us and witnessed the whole thing, said I turned white. I could feel myself shaking. It was like he was a completely different child. The caregivers told us that this was reality for him. I felt our hopes and dreams for him shattering. He is very big for his age, and very strong. Our daughter is very small and more vulnerable with her having Ds.
It was a very quiet ride back to our hotel as we each went over what happened in our minds and knew we had to make a decision that evening as we had just one day left in the country. Devastated does not even begin to describe how I felt (and still feel). We wept and prayed, and we both knew that we would not be able to bring Joshua home, as it would be putting our other young children in serious danger. I am beyond sad. We were prepared to deal with Joshua’s medical issues, but the mental health needs are far more than we feel equipped to handle. We spoke with Oksana (our in country facilitator) and late that evening and told her our decision that we would not be able to accept Joshua’s referral. She was relieved to hear that and agreed to make arrangements for us to go to the MOE in the morning for a new referral.
It was hard to go back for another referral with our hearts breaking so much, but we knew that we still wanted to adopt, and that there are so many children with medical needs that desperately need families. This time, the choice of the referral was from the MOE, and the Director of the Orphanage gave approval of the child for adoption.
So, the Blessing in all this sadness is that we have accepted the referral for TWO little ones who are have the same medical needs as Joshua and who also desperately need to find a forever family. Baby Girl is 18 months old, and Baby Boy is 21 months old. We are still working on the names. Strangely enough, both babies look like my husband, Tim. I am still feeling incredible sadness and guilt—I will always love Joshua. But we know that we made the necessary decision for our family. And there are two sweet babies who will be orphans no more. Please keep us in our prayers as we grieve Joshua and rejoice in our Babies. And please joins us as we continue to pray for Joshua and for a family to step forward who will be equipped to meet all of his needs.
This journey has been tough, and we still have a long road ahead of us as we will be making two more trips to the country where our children are waiting. Our next step is to gather the papers that need to be submitted for court. And we continue to pray and let God heal our hearts, as he also heals my body from the surgery.
And we continue to put our trust in God's provision for the expenses that are still needed to complete this adoption. We will need about $20,000 more, in addition to what we have already raised and paid ourselves. The additional child fee is about $10,000, and each trip to the country will be about $5,000. If you feel led to help out with the financial aspect of our adoption, we would be so very thankful to have you fight with us for the lives of these precious orphans!
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