Another Twist in the Journey

The last day I wrote a post was on December 27th, 2012. The very next day the president of R*ssia signed into law a ban on all adoptions by Americans. Waking up to that news was devastating. I felt like all the air had been knocked out of me and it was a struggle to even breathe. All of January I floated between hope that things would quickly be resolved and that we would be able to travel for court and bring home our sweet babies who we love, and utter grief that we were losing these children that we long to have in our family--and who desperately need to be in a family. I was glued to the computer, reading every news story obsessively. I was a wreak.


Tim and I began talking and praying about what we should do. Should we wait on R*ssia? It could be resolved in a matter of months. It could take years. We don't know what is ultimately going to happen with adoptions between our two counties. We prayed more and cried a lot. (Well, I cried a lot, anyway!) We spent time searching our hearts and seeking God and grieving, and hoping, and waiting. By early February we began looking into other counties and other programs, but did not feel any peace in committing to any other program yet. But seeds were being planted in our hearts to be open to another child in another country. Tim and I feel strongly called to adopt and we know that there are so many little ones waiting--just waiting--for a family to call their own.


Our God is a God of redemption. Nothing is wasted with Him--not a loss, not a tear, a deep disappointment--not anything. He can bring beauty and purpose from even the most devastating experiences. I know this. I have walked with Him long enough to have lived this. More than once. The pain is real and deep--my heart feels like it has bleed out. This kind of pain and grief is exhausting. But I know the One who holds my heart. He binds up our wounds and heals the broken-hearted. He bears the burdens of those who are weary and heavy-laden. Wounded, broken-hearted, weary and heavy-laden--that sounds a lot like my heart. But thankfully I have given my heart fully over to Jesus and I trust Him with it. If, in His love and mercy, He sees fit to break my heart to bring Himself glory and to bring me closer to Him, then so be it. I am willing. I want my life to be poured out as a offering to my saviour. In my brokenness, may He be glorified.


I thought about starting over with a different blog. Or maybe erasing my previous posts. But I am not going to do that--I will leave it all as it is. After all--this is a journey and a journey is not just about where you are going, but it is also about where you have been. I am not going to say much more about where we have been, as it is all there in previous posts. However, I do want to share where we are going.


So, where are we going? Where is this journey going to take us? By the end of February, Tim and I were feeling that the time had come to make a decision. Especially since our homestudy was going to expire in late March and would need to be updated at that time regardless of what we decided to do. We were praying and seeking and waiting for God's leading. We were looking at some other countries and other waiting children. Then I saw a little face that made my heart skip a beat. I remembered that I had seen his face before, when he was first listed on Reece's Rainbow (a ministry that advocates for the adoption of waiting children with special needs). At that time, things were moving along with R*ssia and I had though, "What a precious child! He looks so much like our daughter, Valerie. I bet he will be matched with a family quickly." When I saw his face this time, my first thought was, "What! How can he still be waiting?!" And then I knew why--he is my son. When I first approached Tim about this child his reaction was, "No--I don't even want to look--I don't want to go to that country. There is no way we can afford to go to that country after all that we have already spent with R*ssia." I said, "I know, Honey. But please just look and then pray about it." Well, he looked, and less then 12 hours later he floored me with these words, "OK, I won't say 'no' to this child--If God wants us to go to China, if that is where our son is, then let's go!"


That was just a month ago. The last few of weeks have been a whirlwind of paperwork, agency changes and country changes. We have been absolutely blown away at the way God has been moving and orchestrating everything so smoothly and quickly. What a blessing to feel so much peace and joy in being right where God wants us, even though we are still grieving. On April 4th we received pre-approval from China to be matched with a this darling little boy. He is affectionately known as "Elvis" on Reece's Rainbow. We are still working on a name for him, and don't quite have it figured out just yet. You can see a picture of our precious little man by clicking on the FSP link on the right side of the blog. (The picture of Peter and Anya--it will take you to a link with little man's picture.)


Soon, I will share a little more about this beautiful child, this good and precious gift from God. Right now, I just needed to get this update out there and share where we are. I apologize for my lack of blogging, and I am hoping that I will do a better job keeping every one up to date with where we are at in this adoption. We are so very very thankful for the love and prayer of our family and our friends and those who have loved and advocated and fundraised for "Elvis"--what a enormous blessing to our family that I hope to share more about soon.


One final thought tonight. What about our Peter and Anya in R*ssia? Our hearts ache for them, yes. Right now, that door is shut and we have felt God's leading to go bring our son home from China. We continue to closely watch for any developing news and are already praying for God's leading and wisdom for our family if that door should become open again in the future. Please, please continue to pray for these sweet babies that they would have homes and loving families, be that with us or someone else. Please pray for our son in China, pray for our process to continue to go smoothly and quickly. And please pray for our hearts as they are still hurting and we are seeking to live out our faith in obedience to what God has called us.